i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
apparently the secret to your success is patron
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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