Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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