i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
