You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
