just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
