I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
