I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
