So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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