I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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