he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She told me I should be a condom model.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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