I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
