He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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