come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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