Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Randomize
