So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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