Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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