those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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