Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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