I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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