eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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