I showed him my bush... on skype.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
