is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
