you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
