That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
