I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
