just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
