Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I need a beard to bite.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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