I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
