6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
foreskin is a definite game changer
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
