Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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