so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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