I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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