god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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