oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
