let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
