you guys were way drunker than both of me
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
smell my finger.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
