Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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