Yo dont text me then not text me
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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