I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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