yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
