I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
