She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Randomize