Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize