I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
