How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
