I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
We are two peas in an std pod
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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