She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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