how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
