You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Randomize
