He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
