I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
