so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
