I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
