you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
