just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize