That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
