I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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