Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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