how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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