It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
