capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize