I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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