we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just want to make out with him forever
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
