Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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