Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
