Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Bring me that man meat
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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