Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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