How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
