i was born a porn star she said
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i will never coherently bang her
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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