So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
