I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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