i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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