I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
