I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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