My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
oh god the rape fog is back!
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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