Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
