the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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