How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
