I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
