they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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