She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
