Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
