I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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