He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
