he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
