ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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