a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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