My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
