Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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