Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
