i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
