he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
