Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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