shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
