Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
