Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
