Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
