Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
