The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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