well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
